Thursday, November 24, 2005

On Calling

The post over at David's got me to thinking about calling, and specifically how I'm not sure what that means anymore. I've been having trouble with the voice of God lately anyway, having recently lodged a formal complaint with him, and so it shouldn't surprise me that I have trouble with the idea of calling. I thought for years that I knew what it sounded like, the "call", but I think I may have gotten it wrong. Because I never thought I'd be called to be a nanny, and I certainly haven't asked the big guy about it lately, but here I am anyway, and it seems very good. I'll be honest and tell you that my decision to apply for a nanny job in New York had nothing to do with prayer. I didn't ask. I'm kind of tired of asking. I just decided that I would try it out and see how it went, and by way of how it went, I'd have an answer, if there was an answer to be had. I decided to use the brain I have been given, and the heart as well, and make a decision, and just plunge in.

So far it's gone well. Very, very well. The agency loves me. The family I work for loves me, and everyone I've contacted as a reference has been excited to hear from me and eager to provide a good recommendation. I had no idea that I would be considered one of the best candidates in my field, yet here I am, assured by a prestigious nanny agency that I am, indeed, a very strong candidate and will be snapped up very quickly. More importantly, I've discovered that I really do love my job. Once I got over myself and my need to receive some sort of recognition from the world at large for the kind of work I do, I realized that it is a very good fit for me. I like going to work. I can't imagine something else that would pay my bills in a more satisfying way, at least not right now. And here I am with the opportunity to move up, to pay those bills faster, to get to a place where I won't have to worry so much about my finances. It will be a gift, one I'll be truly thankful to enjoy.

So here's what I'm thinking about it lately: Maybe calling isn't so much praying and praying and praying until the ears of God bleed with the fervency of my request for wisdom, and I hear something, have some strange stirring in my soul, and can tell for certain just exactly what he must be saying. Maybe calling has more to do with being wise with who I am, as I am, and what I can do. Maybe it's got a lot less to do with knowing for certain and a lot more to do with making a leap and just trusting, knowing what I know, that it will all turn out fine in the end. Maybe it has less to do with the words (mine go pleasegodpleasegodpleasegodplease or whygodwhygodwhygodwhy, and it's gotten old, probably for both of us), and more to do with the action. Whatever the case, I'm trying this now. I don't know if it's my "calling" per se, but I know I'm good at it, and I think it's worthy of a good effort, whether I hear directly from heaven or not.

And also? Happy Thanksgiving. Go forth and be thankful.


Anita the Sandy said...

DO WHATEVER! That's God's words to a newly established king in 1 Sam. 10:7.
Then there's Ec 9:10 Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.
If God wants you to do something specific, hasn't He always found a way?

amy said...

Rock on, Mary! Erwin McManus says to move on a yes until you hear a no instead of sitting on a no until you might hear a yes.

David said...

I agree. Go for it. I've never waited until I heard God say Yes, so much as I have wondered if what I am hearing now is something like a nudge towards something else. It's when I am doing it and loving it and feeling something like God's pleasure that I know I am doing what I am meant to be doing. Ultimately calling is more about who we are than what we do.

Perhaps it's not waiting for a word from on high, so much as being part of a conversation with God, and so many of my prayers are alot like yours. Except sometimes they are short and all I squeeze out is "Ugh" or "Huh?" or a plaintiff "you have GOT to be kidding." When I met Sharon the best I could come up with after our date was "Please?"

We love you Mary!

marymuses said...

Anita and Amy, thank you for your encouragement.

David, thanks for the post that started this train of thought. As for conversation, I suppose there's that, but sometimes even my conversations with God leave me a little befuddled. In any case, I'm sure this will be a good venture.