Monday, November 07, 2005

Sleepy

I've begun feeling sleepy earlier in the evening, which is what happens for a time when my lack of sleep catches up with me. I'd been on a roll, with two nights of decent sleep in the bag, but last night disrupted it, and I was up for an hour in the middle of the night, just thinking, and then half in and out of sleep for the rest of it. But tonight I am able to relax, knowing that if all else fails, I can go back to sleep after I drop the kids off and I send my Very Important E-mail. I fretted over a certain decision all day, bounced my thoughts off both Nicole and Rachel, and finally made what I feel is the best choice for me right now. Let me fill you in.

This morning the kids' mom offered me a substantial bonus if I would stay through the end of Jack's school year. Her husband recently acquired an out of town job, which, without me around, would leave her alone during the week, trying to piece together drop-offs and pick-ups at two separate schools and find care for Jack on the days his school is not in session. It is worth it to them to offer me extra pay to enjoy the security of a nanny they know and trust taking care of all those things for them. Though the numbers don't quite add up in terms of what I'd gain taking a job earlier in New York as opposed to staying here and taking the bonus, it makes sense to both my head and my heart to stay. I'll get to enjoy Jack and Mary Liz for a bit longer while still making a bit more to use towards debt relief. In addition, it will ease the transition to a new city; as it was, I was going to have to scramble to make interviews and get everything done while trying to have some sort of holiday season worth enjoying. It would have been a frantic, hectic mess. I would have made it work, and I was quite excited and willing to do so, but I must admit there is some relief in having five additional months to go through this process. I will not be rushed in finding a family to work for, I will have plenty of time to pack up and find a place for Phae and Eponine to stay, and above all I will have the satisfaction of being able to leave Jack and Mary Liz at a time that the transition will be a little more natural for them. This way we all win. The agency is anxious to work with me, but content to wait until I am ready. So tomorrow I will e-mail them to tell them that June 1 will be the date I am ready. More than ready. I look forward to New York City, to the change, the challenge, the adventure that my time there will bring. In the end, I may come back right to where I started, but I'll have lived a little more, and I'll know I'm not settling for here just because I'm here already.

These past couple of weeks have been a wild ride. After thinking that I'd be jetsetting through the rest of the year, it's a beautiful thing to have life settle down for a bit, to have a chance to ease into the holidays, to take some time to relish the process of relocating to a new city. A part of me still wants to go soon, but the rest of me...well, the rest of me knows that this decision will let me sleep soundly tonight.

And I'm all about sleeping soundly tonight. Goodnight, all. May all your dreams be sweet ones, and may some of the best of them come true.

5 comments:

Shiz said...

Sounds like a great decision.

marymuses said...

It is a great decision; I keep reminding myself that. In the mirror. "Mary, you made a GREAT DECISION!" It's, um, kind of working...

Steve said...

I agree completely....great decision Mary. That means, selfishly, that we get to enjoy you at least until June of next year...so yes, it is a great decision. I'm so glad it has worked out this way. WOOHOO!

Broken Bindings said...

sounds great, best of both worlds really, from the employment standpoint.

However, when you do get into NYC, let me know and maybe we could do coffee :)

marymuses said...

Thanks, Steve. You are so encouraging.

Broken Bindings, I would love to get coffee with you when I get to NYC. It would be nice to make a friend straightaway.