Friday, December 16, 2005

Because I'm Bigger Than You, That's Why

Tonight I looked after six boys. Don't worry; it was lucrative enough to make the torture worth it. In fact, I'd say the torture was much less than my current personal hell and paid much better. (I don't get paid extra to listen to Crazy Frog Presents Crazy Hits, but so help me, I should.) Also, to be fair, one boy was sick and so was sleeping the entire evening.

The rest of the boys were busy being boys which kept me busy breaking up tussles and keeping balls from flying towards breakable objects all night.

When it was late enough, I sent them to bed and/or to rest watching a DVD. (Two of them were from a different house, so their beds were waiting for them for later.) The problem was that one of them, the eldest, actually, refused to go to bed.

And when I say "refused," I mean he wrapped himself around a chair and clung to it as if it would save his life. Which really? Not so much, seeing as I'm bigger and stronger and used to maneuvering a chubby four-year-old who has the "make myself like lead" deal down pat. By comparison, this kid barely put up a fight, though I will give him credit for reaching longingly in the direction of the chair as I climbed up the bunk bed ladder with him under one arm and my other arm steadying our ascent. As I slipped him effortlessly over the railing, I apologized, probably more for damaging his self-esteem than anything else. I gave some lame excuse for tossing him in there like that and scratched his back for a bit to make him feel better. I imagine it's hard being the biggest most of the time, only to be outdone by some random babysitter.

Sorry, kid. Better luck next babysitter. Unless, of course, it's me. Then luck's not going to help you much.


timsamoff said...

Julianna knows that "make myself like lead" too. Is that some sort of superpower?

EB said...

I think all kids know this device. . . . . I remember my sister turning into a rag doll at one point while throwing a tantrum and because my father was holding her up by her arm at the time, she literally popped her shoulder socket out of place . . .

marymuses said...

It is, indeed, a superpower. I've found that girls use it more than boys. Boys tend to try to use brute force, which, hello? If I'm bigger than you, it's not going to work. The superpower is much more effective.

Oh, and that whole shoulder popping out of the socket thing that EB mentioned? Is exactly why I grab the little rugrats around their middles. Nothing but internal organs to damage there.