Friday, December 09, 2005

I Have Not Gotten Urine-Soaked Today, and Neither Has My Bed

Clearly, so far today has advantages over yesterday.

Yesterday was Jack's first snow day ever, but Mary Liz still had school, so I decided we should have a Very Special Time in honor of the Very First Snow Day. Once Mary Liz was off, Jack and I headed over to my place, where I gathered a few extra things together before we hit the Plaza. We had such a great time walking and snow-fighting our way down the street that we only had time to make one stop before we met Jack's mom for lunch. Naturally, we chose the Apple store, where Jack explored a new game and I typed ninety words per minute. (I had to throw that last bit in just to impress you with my typing prowess. Are you impressed? Yes? No? Maybe a little bit?) Jack's mom met us there and we all headed to PF Chang's, where Jack had to be cajoled by his mother to eat (I wouldn't have cajoled; I would have just let him be hungry, but that's me). Though the food he insisted he'd like was completely unappealing to him, the lemonade was not, and he sucked down as much as the server brought him until we told gave the signal to halt beverage delivery. Perhaps you can see where this is going already?

After lunch, true brilliance struck, and I decided that it would not only be more efficient to stay at my place until it was time to get Mary Liz from school, it would also be Tons! Of FUN! And so we trudged to my cozy apartment, Jack got settled in my bed, and we all (cats included) hunkered down for a toasty afternoon. All was quiet on the western front until Jack appeared at the office door, wet from chest to knees, insisting that, "It must be sweat, Mary, it's just that hot in here." I tried to break it to him gently, but quickly, that it wasn't sweat, but was, in fact, pee. And it was, in fact, all over my sheets, soaked through nicely to the feather bed, pressed into the feathers with the weight of a large six-year-old who sleeps on his stomach.

I sent him off with a pair of my pants which could be held up by drawstring, the smallest long-sleeved shirt I own, a slightly used Old Navy bag, and the instructions to take off all the wet clothing (which was, um, all of his clothing), put it in the bag, re-dress, and come to me for help with the drawstring. While he stripped himself, I stripped the bed, and it was done. Gross? Sure. Complete and utter tragedy? Nope. I patted myself on the back for not freaking out and we got in the car to put the finishing touches on Jack's tranformation--finishing touches meaning getting him into clothes that didn't belong to me.

And that was that. We did a bunch of other stuff, I dropped everybody off, the end.

Oh, wait, no, not the end.

From my usual job I headed straight over to Round Two out south. The kids I had in my care for the evening had been playing outside all day, and consequently they were too tired to do much of anything but sit around. With minimal effort, I got them all settled in front of a Christmas movie, and I sat down to read a magazine I found (I think it was Elle). Within forty-five minutes, the middle child was sawing logs in the easy chair and the other two weren't far behind. I declared it officially Time For Bed and attempted to wake the sleeper. He didn't budge. We tapped him, we shouted his name, we moved him around in the chair, all to no avail. I finally decided to just carry him upstairs and put him into pajamas while he slept. I heaved him onto my shoulder and began the trek upstairs, pausing on the middle step because, oh dear, something seemed a little too warm about my arm. And also a little bit wet. Sure enough, I'd woken him just enough to make him pee all over both of us. Awesome.

At least I got it all out of the way in one day.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

oh noes! man, i don't even know what to say. yuk!

mary, you are a trooper.

<3 holly

Tina said...

Is there a such thing as "Nanny of the Year?" If there is, you deserve it hands down. And you don't even complain, you simply stated it-"Jack peed on my bed"
"Boy peed on my arm." I'd freak if my own child peed on me. MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD, and other body fluids. You are truly an awesome nanny.

Canaan said...

Mary you have amazed since the day I met you on Tonya's. Your love for children amazes me....and children's love for you is also amazes.

marymuses said...

Thank you, all of you. Honestly, I can think of far worse things to come into contact with than pee--I'm just thankful that that's all it was.