Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Quiet Afternoon

Jack had a party today at school, ate too much junk food, then ate a big lunch, then horsed around with his friends, then threw up. Guess who got to go pick him up? He is fine, truly, but if it is suggested to Jack that he could go home, he'll jump at the chance, and so he said he was too sick to stay at school. I hurried through a shower and threw clothes on as quickly as possible so I could pick him up. I am just now discovering a spot of pancake batter from last week near the hem of my shirt, which I didn't notice when I gave it the once-over before I laid it on the "clean, but not super fresh" pile on my dresser. Oops.

On the way home, Jack argued with me about whether sick people need to rest or not. As I was tucking him in for a nap, he bounced on the bed. I rolled my eyes. Faker. I was briefly upset with him, but you know what? A) He's not the first kid to try this; and B) He did go to sleep, leaving the house quiet for me, which is nice. This neighborhood is much quieter than my own during the day, what with the lack of condominium construction over here (what is it with all the condos going up lately, anyway?). I'll torture Jack later by making him stay indoors and play quietly since that is what sick people do, because if you're going to come home from school because you say you are too sick to stay, then you have to do what sick people do. I anticipate a great many complaints and arguments later about what sick people do and do not do. But whatever: Bring it, kid. I'm ready.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

There's a Reason I Feel Justified in Criticizing Colin Farrell's Eyebrows

It's because I once had the same problem:

the eyebrows, ohmygoodness, WHY?

No one told me either. Poor Colin is probably walking around thinking his brows are just fine because no one will tell him, and how embarassing is that? Let me tell you: VERY embarassing. Especially when there's photographic evidence.

And boy is there some photographic evidence of my own brow problem, not to mention some hair and outfit problems. Check it out. I made you an album. You may now laugh about me behind my back as is appropriate and necessary.

Thanks to Mir, Holly, and Jenn for the inspiration to embarass myself in this way.

From Gangsta to Hit Man

Or would that be hit girl? Whatever. Here ya go:

Mickey Z

People Iced:Forty Four
Car Bombs Planted:Twelve
Favorite WeaponIce Pick
Arms Broken:Nineteen
Eyes Gouged:Nine
Tongues Cut Off:Fourteen
Biggest Enemy:The Toe Slicer

Get Your HITMAN Name

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Who Buys Champagne on Saturday Morning, Anyway?

I recently decided that I should keep some champagne in my fridge, mostly because it's very tasty, and also because it's...very tasty. Also, the brand I like is the same price as the wine I like, and why have plain old wine when you can be drinking champagne? I can think of no good reason to do such a thing.

However, I was reminded shortly after waking that I'd just ordered some flip-flops (in jetson peach, if you must know) and a little camera (for use when the fancy camera is impractical or simply not allowed), and therefore I do not have any money at all to spend on anything that is not essential (such as peanut M&M's).

Also, let's be realistic here: Since when do go anywhere but my bed or my couch on a Saturday morning?

Friday, January 27, 2006

And He Said, "Guess What, Mary?! My New Tractor Plays Music!"

To which I replied, "I know. I heard it already. At 7:28am." And it. Was. TORTUROUS.

I am of the strong belief that children should not be allowed to play with electronic noisy toys until afternoon. But these are not my children, so I cannot make that decree.

*sigh*

But wait, there's more!

Mary Liz demanded that her mom return upstairs to say good-bye to her this morning, as opposed to her taking a break from whatever important thing she was playing, but her mom wasn't taking the bait, and so Mary Liz proceeded to throw a colossal fit. Stomping, screaming, and pounding the upstairs front window included (at no extra charge!). As Kelly left she smiled at me and said, "All yours!" Um, thanks. It's just what I've always wanted.

That Damn Tractor (that's what I'm calling it from here on out, adding it to the ranks of That Damn Pocahontas Song and That Damn Musical Sit 'n' Spin, as well as That Damn Crazy Frog CD) is still going strong.

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

I definitely need a little help from Starbucks. Who's coming along?

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

If I Go to Bed Now, Do You Think I Can Sleep 'Til Morning?

I used to have this idea that I should avoid taking pain medication unless absolutely, completely necessary, for instance if I couldn't rise from a prone position or if I had a headache so piercing that I couldn't drive home from work. If I could shuffle along half-upright, that would do, and I'd just suffer through it with the patience of Job. I'd like to say right now, for the record: Sometimes I'm an idiot.

By five o'clock I knew I was sunk for the evening, that I'd cancel my usual Wednesday plans, that the very most I'd do would be to park it under the lamplight here at home. Besides my usual insomnia induced exhaustion, I had the strangest headache, which had wrapped itself slowly from neck to temples, a garland of ouch, please be quiet. I briefly considered stopping for wine, but was at least lucid enough to know that if I entered the store, it might be too much for me to actually choose a wine, and if I chose a wine, I might not feel like carrying it to the counter to pay for it, and if I did pay for it, chances were it would end up spending the night in the car, for I already had several parcels to bring upstairs (parcels! Someone's been reading too much nineteenth century literature!). So I skipped the wine and opted for ibuprofen, the severely untasty multi-grain saltines to prevent stomach upset, and a bath. The headache left while I was underwater, listening to the roar of someone else's plumbing use, and the tired is here, but not so achey anymore. I'll read a bit. I'll lie on the couch. And then, for once, I'll go to bed on time.

If I had my wish, someone else would bring me wine, would read me a story, would rub my head until I fall asleep. But Don Pedro, my imaginary Latin lover, is just that, imaginary, and so is absent tonight. I'll make do as usual with white noise, a second dose of ibruprofen, and a short story from one of my favorite volumes.

Goodnight, kids.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Finally

Sometimes Mary Liz is a bit...well...moody. She'll be just fine, but then something doesn't go her way and suddenly she's sullen, unwilling to compromise. For example, perhaps she sees another child somewhere who has a sticker, so she wants a sticker, but doesn't have one. She'll ask for one, and I'll give my standard reply, which is that I'll give her a sticker the next time she earns one (we don't going handing out stickers all pell-mell, as if all we have to spend money on are bits of sticky paper that I'll find later in the dryer's lint trap), which will probably be soon if she'll knock it off with the attitude. But once she's decided to be sullen, she'll continue to be sullen for as long as she feels like it, and she will bemoan her unfortunate state for all to hear (you should've witnessed the Out of Band-Aids Debacle of 2006, let me tell ya). I just roll my eyes and start in on my standard spiel:

MLiz: I neeeeeeed a sti-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-icker! I neeeeed it!
Mary: Want, not need, and you'll survive. Come on, let's go.
MLiz: NO! I WON'T survive! I'm going to DIE!
Mary: Okay, well, I'll give you a nice memorial service. Is there anyone special you'd like to come? A favorite poem to be read? Perhaps a song we should all sing together in your memory?

After this she usually just makes gutteral, annoyed sounds and stomps around, being generally unpleasant, but not really hurting anyone because she knows she's been bested by her nanny. I continue on with whatever it is I'm doing as if nothing is wrong. Because nothing is wrong. However, the other day Jack was with us, and right after I mentioned the part about singing a song in her memory, he looked at me, grinned, and belted out, "Swiiiiiiing looooow, sweeeeet CHAAAAAAAARI-O-OT..."

It was fantastic. Look out, world, I think the kid finally found his sense of humor.

Note to Self, For Future Reference

Dear Mary,

Those multi-grain saltines are not very tasty. Please don't buy those again.

But good job with the two big bags of mint Hershey's Kisses you picked up on post-holiday clearance. That was brilliant. Next year it might be a good idea to pick up more than that.

Cordially,
Mary

PS--Some wine might be nice. Perhaps a good reisling or some shiraz? You know that a glass with what you pass off as dinner (what was it tonight--lemon pound cake?) helps you sleep better. Just pony up the cash and head to World Market; you won't be sorry.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Please Remember

God hates techno.

Repent or burn, people. Repent or burn.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

I Think I've Gone and Gotten Boring

Did you read that last post? I did, and I just about nodded off.

But aside from that, let's evaluate my evening. It's Saturday, a night people commonly go out. I had options for doing so. I considered them. And then...I stayed in and cleaned up my apartment.

Ummmmm...............yeah. Well, then. I don't think there's anything left to add. You may discuss the state of my boringness amongst yourselves.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Saturday Catch-Up

This will just be a mishmash of whatever. First of all, something that is way overdue: A photo of my extended family wearing the hats my brother got out of the dumpster and gave us all for Christmas.

mark got those hats from a dumpster

Nothing says Classy Family like John Deere hats from a dumpster.

I've put some new stuff up on my flickr page, so you can hop on over and take a look if you're so inclined.

Yesterday I typed 119 words per minute on the SpongeBob game at the Apple store. I'm a typing freak of nature genius!

Once again I have just one job. I had three for awhile, and then two, and now I'm back to just one. It feels nice. I love the one job that I have, and it pays the bills just fine.

My friend Kenny and I have been planning to go to the movies together for years now (and I'm not exaggerating, either--YEARS), and last week he made my week by calling me up and telling he'd found the movie we should see and we should just plan on it so it would actually happen this time. I agreed to see The New World with him. I forgot that it stars Colin Farrell and his big eyebrows. I'm not sure I can watch those eyebrows for two hours and not leave disturbed; they trouble me. But I'll still see the movie, Kenny, don't worry! (I just might have to close my eyes for the last half.)

This is the part where I sigh a big sigh and go put my running clothes on. Pah. (This just in: I have my running clothes on now, and none of them match. I like to think of it as one more small thing I'm doing to keep my neighbors entertained.)

Have a perfect Saturday, and you might check back later; I may add some stuff (if you're lucky--do you feel lucky?).

And look! There's more! Do you notice how I do not disappoint?

Sometimes Mary Liz and I will hit Starbucks a little early and there's a good bit of time to kill before our other regular haunts open. When the weather is fine, we'll walk around the Plaza, but when it's cold, our favorite thing to do is to hunker down in Starbucks. I do sudoku while she listens to the iPod, a win-win situation if ever there was one. One of the reasons I like this so much is that Mary Liz will talk to herself softly while she's listening, making comments about the songs or even repeating some of the words. It's quite charming. On Wednesday we were both sitting quietly, attending to our own pursuits, when suddenly she piped up, loud enough for most of the other Starbucks patrons to hear, "Wait a minute! I don't know Spanish." The chuckles came from all around.

This week I indulged Jack's need for socialization outside of school hours by bringing home Joe, another little boy from his kindergarten. They played nicely together, with no arguing, so I was pleased with the arrangement, but even better than that, I ended up adoring Joe. While both of my charges have put away most childish speech habits and now sound like little adults (pronunciation of Martin Luther King's name excepted), Joe still sounds like a little boy. He has a thithter and he drinks tool-aid and he plays in his yaw-uhd with his bithycle. I love him! He definitely needs to come over again.

Friday, January 20, 2006

The Challenge

Here's what I want you to do. If you know the song Bad, Bad Leroy Brown (You know, baddest man in the whole damn town? You know you know it, don't be ashamed, we're all friends here.) by Jim Croce, please sing aloud all of the words you know. Snap your fingers if you're willing.

Now, for the rest of the day, just go ahead and try to get that song out of your head.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

How is The Gap Fantastic? Let Me Count the Ways...

1. The return policy, specifically as it relates to jeans. If you keep your receipt, you can wear the jeans, and even wash them, for up to two weeks and still take them back. Two weeks! No tags! Plus washing possibilities! This is my favorite thing about The Gap because it allows me to exercise my right to have shopping bulimia. It also allows me to see how jeans stretch out. I don't know about you, but, thanks to the fact that nearly every pair of jeans now contains spandex, I can never tell in the fitting room just how the jeans will really fit. To be honest, the ones that will fit after a couple of hours of wear are often the ones that, at first blush, appear to be way too tight, as in, tight enough that everyone can see the exact shape of my posterior as well as my inner thighs. Now, I'm not complaining about the exact shape of my posterior or inner thighs, having recently learned to appreciate them just as they are, but that's just not the sort of information I believe the public at large should be privy to. I mean, come on, I'm not that easy. I at least require dinner and a movie first. (Hi, family! I kid! I also require at least one formal date during which the gentleman in question is obligated to wear a tie. You didn't raise some cheap floozy, no sirree.)

2. The clearance. Oh, my, THE CLEARANCE. Seriously, people. You just have to give it a little time, and you, too, can bring home a snappy new shirt for just $4.97. Or maybe if you're me you'll bring home, um, two. Let's pretend it was only two. You may also sometimes find a hat or a sweet little scarf for just 97 cents. Ninety-seven cents! Doesn't that just make your heart happy?

3. The markdown policy. If you're not in the know about this, you should be. Here's the deal: If, within two weeks of purchase, anything you bought has been marked down, you can bring in your receipt and they'll give you back the difference. I once got back $24.67 this way. So if your item is not as cheap as you'd like it to be, but there's only one left in your size, you can go ahead and buy it, knowing that you'll get some money back if they mark it down or you can just return it if it's not marked down further within two weeks. Actually, you can return it anytime if it still has its tags and you still have the receipt. Any. Time. Perfect! Also, make note of the fact that markdowns are generally done on Tuesday nights. Wednesday will yield your best selection for a good price.

4. The friendly salesgirl that is always there, who will chat with me on days I haven't chatted with anyone that knows, without asking, what the words "predicament" and "topple" mean. Those of you who are with children day after day will know exactly what that feels like, and what a relief it is to even discuss the color of a sweater with such a person. Magical!

Now don't you want to go to The Gap? Give me a call, I'll come along.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I Won't Pretend That I'm Not Spoiled

I also won't pretend that I didn't do plenty to earn it.

This morning after getting up, getting to work, and schlepping Jack and Mary Liz off to school, I came home, crawled back into bed, and slept until noon under the weight of a gazillion covers.

I think I might like going back to bed after being up for a short time even better than I like just staying in there in the first place.

This, truly, is one of the biggest benefits of keeping this job and putting off New York until summertime.

Monday, January 16, 2006

New Year, Same Me, But Different

I've been reading everyone's posts for the new year, the ones in which they look back at what they accomplished and look forward to what they'd like for this year, and it's prompted me to do some thinking of my own. To be honest, there's a lot about the last year I'd like to forget. I won't relive those moments in print. But I will tell you that I've gained one thing, one thing that will sound so very Oprah that you might forget it's me talking, but I'm about to tell you the truth about the one thing I took away from 2005 that's been a long time coming.

I don't know when it happened, maybe it was a gradual turning, a slow stroll towards my destination, but one day I looked up at myself in the bathroom mirror and realized that somewhere along the way I'd gone and gotten beautiful. Maybe it's because I've learned to view myself in a softer light, or maybe it's that I've come to accept and enjoy the bits of softness around my edges, but I finally saw something there that I really like. And that's been the best thing for me, a soothing balm to the things that have gone wrong. I hope I never lose what I've so recently found.

As for the coming year, there are things I'd like to do, but I won't list them. Instead I'll tell you the things that really matter, things that are bigger (and hopefully better) than being a better west coast swing dancer or learning to embroider. What I'm looking for this year is a fuller understanding of natural timing. I'd like to be better at taking things as they come instead of rushing towards the end, skipping several chapters to read the last page. I might find out what happens in the end that way, but what happens in the middle is crucial to understanding the rest of the story; I would be terribly unwise to miss it on purpose. I'm going to try my best to let life proceed naturally, to stop pushing so hard on things that will come just fine on their own, in their own time. I'd love to wake up one morning in December and discover that I've somehow sunk into patience.

So there you have it. Here's to 2006, fair readers. I hope it finds you finding some of what you want and everything you need.

Stop the Presses

I may just have an announcement to make. It's still tentative, but...I think I like cantaloupe. What I once merely endured for the sake of my health and because they sell them two for a dollar at the City Market, I now enjoy.

This is a big step forward for me. I hope someday to be able to say the same, tentatively at least, about salmon.

Nothing else to see here; you may now return to your usual activities.

I Have One Friend; His Name is Tom.

So back in May I signed up on myspace (My Space? MySpace. mySpace?) and then I forgot my password and what e-mail address I'd registered through and blah blah whatever, someone asked me about it and I decided I'd go in and enter all my information and upload a photo and then become friends with all the people I know that are on myspace (My Space? MySpace. mySpace?). Lo and behold, even with no information whatsoever entered, one person had decided to be my friend already. His name is Tom. I think he works for myspace (My Space? MySpace. mySpace?). My only friend freaking works for the company and is only my friend so he can send me e-mails telling me to buy things that myspace (My Space? MySpace. mySpace?) is selling. Isn't that sad?

All that to say: If you're on myspace (My Space? MySpace. mySpace?) (I'm entertaining myself far too much with that.), please be my friend. I'm begging you. Please. I don't want to be a loser with just one friend named Tom who is probably friends with everybody anyway.

Here's the link so you can get in there and be all friendly-like.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Go On Now, Go 'Head, Get Down

Rounding the corner onto my block I heard the unmistakable thump of bass in a stationary vehicle. As I approached my apartment, I realized it was coming from the USPS minivan parked out front.

That's right, y'all. My mailman gets down.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Which Is It?

Marthin Looper King or Marfin Lufer King? Jack says it's the first one, and Mary Liz asserts it's the second.

Also: Did he, as Mary Liz pointed out when giving a laundry list of his contributions to the good of the world ("He wanted everyone to have friendship, Mary."), take care of lots of animals? Because they didn't teach me that in history class. But maybe he had lots of pets? Was a patron of fine zoos? Donated to the SPCA?

Go ahead and let me know.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

(Still) Time to Make You HOLLA

Did you know it's still De-Lurking Week? It is, but it's fading fast. I know there are a good many of you who haven't de-lurked yet, so here's the deal: It occured to me that maybe you're just shy and don't know what to say, so I'm giving you something to say. I am, in fact, giving you an opportunity to help me name a recipe. I know! So exciting! Couldn't you just turn cartwheels and do jumping jacks?

Okay, right, so a few weeks ago the family I work for had these overripe bananas, and I asked (as if I needed to), "Would you like me to make some banana bread with those bananas?" Of course the answer was yes. So I got to work, and behold, there were fresh cranberries in the fridge. I thought, "That might be nice," and so I boiled them briefly with a bit of sugar, drained them, and tossed them in. Then, while putting away some other ingredients, I noticed a package of cream cheese there in the fridge door, and it called to me, and so I added a few things to it and suddenly the bread contained a cream cheese filling. Well, one thing led to another, and pretty soon it also had a streusel topping. And it was delicious.

So delicious, in fact, that I thought to myself while consuming a slice, "This would be even better with chocolate chips! And how about some walnuts?" And so now I have a recipe for cranberry banana chocolate chip walnut cream cheese streusel bread.

Yeah, exactly. The name is TOO DANG LONG. Which is where you come in. What should I call my bread?

Lurkers and non-lurkers alike, give a girl a hand.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

So What Did YOU Do at Work Today?

I did this:

what i did at work today

If you suddenly feel like Tarzan on a beautiful day, it's because I used sky blue and jungle green. Want a banana?

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

This Bit of Brilliance Brought to You by the Back of a SlimFast Can

No, really. And yes, I've used SlimFast, just not for weight loss. I'd explain, but that's a rabbit trail, and I'm determined to stay on topic today. Um, what was I saying? Oh, yes, the back of the SlimFast can. It lists the required Nutrition Facts, but next to calories, it also says, in parentheses, "energy." Like this: Calories (energy): 240. I guess it doesn't occur to most people that calories units of energy. They're the fuel in your tank, people. You need them, and the SlimFast people want you to know about it.

And so do I. In fact, I want a four-year-old to know about it.

Mary Liz is a bit chubby. At first I thought it was just her baby fat hanging on, but it's become evident that it's not, that it's a symptom of a larger problem, which is that she loves to eat and watch television, but doesn't enjoy a lot of physical activities. Last year at her check-up, her doctor suggested that we do what is necessary to thin her out a bit. For my part, I've been limiting her food portions and getting her outdoors when I can. I take the long way to walk where we're going. We get off the bus at a farther bus stop than is necessary. I take half the food off her plate when we go to a restaurant, explaining that it won't fit properly in her tummy, and I don't offer her seconds after a meal. So far she's bought it, but she's getting to the age now where: A) She's better able to understand making more complicated choices, and B) She notices when Jack gets a lot more food than she does. So I've decided to level with her about how it all works. At the same time, I don't want her to ever feel like she is fat or that anyone disapproves of her in any way because we have to work on her weight a little bit. In fact, the word weight doesn't make an appearance in our discussions. The word energy, however, does.

Here's how it goes, and you can use it, too: Food gives us energy. The more food we eat, the more energy we put into our bodies. The more activity and exercise we do, like walking and running and bicycling, the more energy we need. We want to have plenty of energy, but if we put in too much and don't use it, it's not good for our bodies. In fact, putting more energy in than we need and not using it makes it harder for our bodies to do everything else they need to do. So we need to make sure we have enough energy, but not too much. If we do a lot of activities and exercise, we need to eat more food. If we aren't doing many activities or exercising, we need to put less food in.

As a practical application, if Jack or Mary Liz wants a snack in the afternoon, I tell them that it's fine, but we have to make room for the energy first, so we go get some out by taking a walk or a bike ride. It's fine to choose not to get energy out, but then you can't put more in. So far the choice has been to get some energy out so they can have more. I then offer the choice between a treat bowl snack (one small piece of candy) or a larger healthy snack like half a pear or some grapes. So long as I am consistent, I think it will work out well. Now if I could only get all the people who feed her on that same bandwagon...

Feed Me (Some More Comments), Seymour

In my attempt to reach blogger to write this post, I first typed in "www.globber.com." Good morning, glob readers. Or is it afternoon? Whatever.

Did you know it's still Delurking Week? That's right! You can still delurk. The comments section is there. Have at it.

That is all.

(For now.)

Monday, January 09, 2006

It's Time to Comment, Lurkers

Last year there was De-Lurking Day, this week there's De-Lurking WEEK. Yes, that's right, those of you who read but never comment, lurking in the shadows, keeping to yourselves: It's time to comment, and this time you've got a whole week to do it. If you're reading and you've never commented before (or you have and it's been half of forever since then), give me a shout down there in the comments. If you're too shy to leave your real name, make one up; no one will be the wiser. (Feel free to be creative, name-maker-uppers. If you can't tell me who you really are, you may as well entertain me.) I'll reply to all comments, and if you've got a blog, leave your info so people can find you. Okay? Okay. Comment away, fair readers.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

That'll Make a LOT of Banana Bread

Today I bought 18 bananas for $1.

I KNOW.

My little bargain-shopping heart was so overcome, it just about burst out of my chest to sing for joy.

Unrelated, but fun: A man got on the bus today at 5th and Grand carrying a chainsaw and a heavily soiled duffel; the driver didn't seem concerned.

Um?

When he got off near Huggie Bear's Bail Bonds (I kid you not, that's the name), another man, wearing a red hat and carrying a very large cell phone, took a seat near mine and proceeded to pick his nose and lick his fingers.

Tell ya what, as soon as one weirdo exits, there's another right there to take over for him.

I love the bus. Seriously.

Sad, Yes, But 100% True

For your entertainment, I now present What Mary Watched While in the Presence of Cable Television:

6pm Annie
6:30pm SpongeBob (against my wishes)
6:45pm Inside Edition (now that's more like it)
7pm MTV True Life: I'm Going to Fat Camp
8pm MTV True Life: I'm Getting Married
9pm MTV True Life: I'm on a Diet (whilst channel surfing because the TV Guide Channel was all fuzzy and made noise, and I had to figure out what channel was what and what was on without its help--tragic, I know)
10pm Dr. 90210
11pm Dr. 90210

And then, dangit, I had to go home. I'm always disappointed when someone interrupts my Dr. 90210 view-a-thon.

Once again, evidence of my complete lack of good taste in television programs. I'd be sorry about it, but I really think it's funny.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Window Shopping on the World Wide Web

This is the part where I say up front: I have expensive taste. I can't help it.

So.

Have I ever told you about my affinity for certain French stoves? When I lived in San Francisco, I used to visit the one they had at the Sur La Table store. It was just so pretty and functional and...and...and...expensive. I couldn't help falling in love. These days, as a part time stove window-shopper, I can never decide if I like the white or the ivory better. What do you think?

Next up for the window shopping extravaganza, we have the bunny rabbits. I haven't kept my love of bunnies a secret, so the following selections should not surprise you. First I bring you two shirts. (A warning to my more sensitive readers: In that first link, the model is not wearing the proper, um, foundational garments, so look out. Or don't look if that sort of thing is an issue for you.) Cute, no? With the bunnies? And the cuteness? And the bunnies? In addition, I also found a cake pan that sure would come in handy if I, say, threw a bunny themed party or something. (Which, you never know, I just might do.) As would these salt and pepper grinders, which say nothing about bunnies, or even rabbits, in the description, but please, look at them. What do you see? Bunnies.

I'm also quite fond of owls lately, and apparently Urban Outfitters got the memo. In fact, Urban Outfitters has a lot of things I just might need, like this and this and these and definitely this. But not this. For the love of Pete, what were they thinking? Get your junky knick-knacks at a garage sale or something. GOSH.

I could amuse myself for the remainder of the winter by wearing this little jacket. I mean, come on, it says Delicious. What's not to love?

And who doesn't want to carry all their necessary items in a tote that features both a unicorn and a dinosaur?

Elsewares is quickly becoming my favorite place to window shop. There are pretty things to wear and fun things, too. (I am on the verge of ordering that last item, even though it would be too big. I NEED it.)

I also need a couple of these. You'll notice that the dark green ones are on sale for a fabulous price, but I don't want dark green. I want red or blue or, should they come available, yellow. In the meantime, though, I'm sure my cloth oven mitts would work just fine for handling these dotted lovelies, should they emerge from the microwave a bit too toasty. I would, however, like the comfort of silicone should someone gift me with some Le Creuset. The eight-piece set is a good place to start, don't you think? Though what I really love about Le Creuset is that it's not just quality, it's FUN! And they don't stop at hearts, either. Anyone for a tomato? How about an apple? Pumpkin? BELL PEPPER!

I think I'm getting a little to excited about the Le Creuset. Let's move on to, say, an electric kettle. Stylish and practical, no? Also we have my favorite blender, as well as the best toaster ever. I prefer the green blender, and for the toaster I'll go for chrome, but they also sometimes offer yellow, which I can't resist. I also can't resist stylish bundt pans or, for that matter, square springform pans, which I've never seen before. I'm also a sucker for adorable aprons and (I didn't know this until I laid eyes on them) French days of the week dishtowels. Also don't forget the special holiday spatulas, measuring cups, and most definitely paring knives.

Yeah. Definitely don't forget those paring knives.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

I Doubt That Anyone Finds More Delight in This Than I Do

It's a chicken roaster. Shaped like a chicken. Is that great or what? I'm sure that there are plenty of rich housewives that can capriciously throw $240 at Williams Sonoma anytime they like that will think it's charming and go ahead and buy one, but they won't love it they way that I would love it. And I, indeed, would love it.

But I have neither 240 extra smackers or a place to store it if I had it. (Nor do I regularly roast chickens, but that's beside the point.) So I'm ordering this, which I actually need and will use, instead.

I'm such a spendthrift.

(Anyone want to place bets on whether or not the shipping & handling charges will exceed the cost of the item itself?)

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Happy Birthday, Shiz!

Shiz is turning, um, TWENTY-TWO today! Go on over and wish her a very happy day.

Monday, January 02, 2006

It's the New Year's Confessional! How Exciting for You!

At this point, it will be just me confessing, but if you'd like to join the party, I do have a comments section just waiting around for you.

Okay, so...um...see, when I was a kid...no, no, that's not right...um...okay, so I have this thing for Muppets. And also maybe John Denver. Together. Singing Christmas songs. And I...um...downloaded the album from iTunes. After Christmas. I now have Have Yourself a Merry LIttle Christmas on repeat. And for some reason I...well...I got sort of touched by it earlier and got a little teary.

Over the Muppets.

And John Denver.

Singing a Christmas song.

Post Christmas.

I know.

So whatever, I checked my calendar, counted up the holiday events I've attended, calculated the hours I've worked out of the ordinary, factored in my routine being way out of whack, added in a little something else which always surprises me but shouldn't, and eventually figured out that all the appropriate stars and planets have aligned to make me a little bit emotional and a little bit batshit crazy. (But only a little bit; no need to send the men in the white coats. Yet.) All that to let you know that if we're hanging out and I start crying, it's so totally not you. It's me. (Raise your hand if that line sounds a little too familiar.)

Right, so in this state, and also in a tired and hungry state, I went to the grocery store this evening. I came home with four brownie mixes, two bags of chocolate chips, five Totino's frozen pizzas (they were only a dollar!), two frozen Chinese style microwavable snack foods (it actually said "Chinese style" on the box, which I thought was funny, but maybe it's not and I just can't tell), three cans of Pringles (also only a dollar!), two cake mixes, a quart of chocolate milk (heaven forbid that I should have to add my own chocolate syrup and stir), potato chips, tortilla chips (with a hint of lime!), two kinds of dip, a bag of powdered donette gems, and some honey roasted jumbo cashews. I very nearly bought some strawberry creme dessert, but I had to draw the line somewhere. I also avoided the Mini Chips Ahoy and those tiny smoked sausages. I have such exceptional self-control.

No, really. I mean that. I haven't even opened that bag of powdered donette gems yet. Feel free to marvel, or to just invite me over if you're having a party. I obviously have plenty of snacks to share.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

How About Some More New Year's Photos?

Here is Todd's set from the evening.

Please disregard the ones in which I look like a moron, unless you are only regarding my fabulous hair, in which case it is totally okay to look long and look often.

Happy New Year!


happy new year!
Originally uploaded by marymuses.
I made you a little photo set. Here.

I wish you all the best in 2006.