Monday, January 02, 2006

It's the New Year's Confessional! How Exciting for You!

At this point, it will be just me confessing, but if you'd like to join the party, I do have a comments section just waiting around for you.

Okay, so...um...see, when I was a kid...no, no, that's not right...um...okay, so I have this thing for Muppets. And also maybe John Denver. Together. Singing Christmas songs. And I...um...downloaded the album from iTunes. After Christmas. I now have Have Yourself a Merry LIttle Christmas on repeat. And for some reason I...well...I got sort of touched by it earlier and got a little teary.

Over the Muppets.

And John Denver.

Singing a Christmas song.

Post Christmas.

I know.

So whatever, I checked my calendar, counted up the holiday events I've attended, calculated the hours I've worked out of the ordinary, factored in my routine being way out of whack, added in a little something else which always surprises me but shouldn't, and eventually figured out that all the appropriate stars and planets have aligned to make me a little bit emotional and a little bit batshit crazy. (But only a little bit; no need to send the men in the white coats. Yet.) All that to let you know that if we're hanging out and I start crying, it's so totally not you. It's me. (Raise your hand if that line sounds a little too familiar.)

Right, so in this state, and also in a tired and hungry state, I went to the grocery store this evening. I came home with four brownie mixes, two bags of chocolate chips, five Totino's frozen pizzas (they were only a dollar!), two frozen Chinese style microwavable snack foods (it actually said "Chinese style" on the box, which I thought was funny, but maybe it's not and I just can't tell), three cans of Pringles (also only a dollar!), two cake mixes, a quart of chocolate milk (heaven forbid that I should have to add my own chocolate syrup and stir), potato chips, tortilla chips (with a hint of lime!), two kinds of dip, a bag of powdered donette gems, and some honey roasted jumbo cashews. I very nearly bought some strawberry creme dessert, but I had to draw the line somewhere. I also avoided the Mini Chips Ahoy and those tiny smoked sausages. I have such exceptional self-control.

No, really. I mean that. I haven't even opened that bag of powdered donette gems yet. Feel free to marvel, or to just invite me over if you're having a party. I obviously have plenty of snacks to share.

4 comments:

Shepcat said...

Thanks for that, Mary. At last I've found someone whose grocery list rivals my own for its egregious preservative content and almost defiant lack of nutritional value.

But really — all that and only one quart of chocolate milk? You must ration it like a castaway.

marymuses said...

I'll admit I was tempted to get a gallon of chocolate milk, but I just couldn't justify it. If I'd put back one of the containers of dip, maybe. But who wants tortilla chips without guacamole?

Shiz said...

Yay! Yum!

And Orthodox Christmas is Jan 7th. It's not even Christmas EVE yet. Go ahead with the John Denver.

("PIGGY pudding???")

marymuses said...

Oh, wow, that means that TODAY is Christmas! Hooray! John Denver Christmas carols for everyone!