Thursday, August 31, 2006

It's a Good Thing I Shower Daily

This evening as I pulled my shirt over my head, I noticed that the usual lingering scent of artificial floral additives wasn't present. Upon further thought and, um, investigation, I came to the conclusion that, no, I hadn't put any deoderant on today.

It was one of those days.

Tomorrow is Friday, right?


Monday, August 28, 2006

I Suppose There's Nothin' Like Crackin' Open a Couple of Cold Ones on the Train

On the last leg of my trip back to Connecticut yesterday, I selected two seats on the train, one for me, and one for my duffel. The only two empty ones together were across the aisle from a single seat, in which was seated a man I presumed to be in his early forties, dressed in a polo shirt and khaki shorts, very Connecticut WASP-y. So the train pulled out of Grand Central, and the tickets were punched, and as soon as the conductor passed to the other end of our car, Mr. Connecticut Khaki-Shorts pulled out a 20-ounce Budweiser and began slurping it down. I was all, "Um. Well." And then I couldn't stop staring at him, which I'm sure was inconvenient, since he was trying to be all sneaky-casual, finishing off his first Bud and then starting in on a second, which he pulled not-so-suavely from a paper bag he'd just dropped on the floor. He exited at the station before mine, slipping the open can upright into his messenger bag and leaving the empty can and paper bag behind.


After swelling up all over after Pikes Peak, I was relieved to awake this morning and have my body back to its usual size. Most of all, I think it was a night of decent sleep that did the trick. Vacation was really good, but I did not do as much sleeping as I wanted or needed to. I'm looking forward to some quality time with my very own pillows this week before I make another trip to Kansas City this weekend.


I really wanted to go to the John Mayer/Sheryl Crow show at Jones Beach this Wednesday, but the sad fact is that I would rather miss the show than drive there by myself. I have a small problem with driving unfamiliar places at night. And by "small problem," I mean that I get lost easily and start freaking right out. I think I'd rather be home with my very own pillows.

Also, going to an amphitheatre by myself seems a little bit lonely.


I ate fudge for breakfast.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Adventures in Idiocy: I Trained for a Mountain Marathon at Sea Level

Alternate titles include (but are not limited to):

1. I Didn't Make Good Time, But I Had a Good Time

2. There's No Shame in Using the Handicapped Stall If You Can't Sit Down Without Clutching at Something for Support

3. No One Tells You About All the Swelling, So I Will

4. I'm So Glad I Brought Some Baggy Pants

5. At Least I Wasn't That One Guy Who Collapsed at the End, Just After Missing the Cutoff Time by Nine Seconds

6. People Like to Give Me Discounts Because I Run Real Far and Stuff

7. I Finally Found a Sucker Someone Special to Join Me at the Prairie Dog Town

8. Mary's Quads Curse Her Name and Give Up Hope

9. Yes, That is a Napkin I'm Wearing, and No, Target Does Not Carry Bandannas for Eleventh Hour Shoppers Who Don't Want a Scalp Sunburn

10. Pikes Peak Marathon: Not for People Who Enjoy Oxygen

The basics are as follows: I finished in eight hours, one minute, and forty-seven seconds, which was slower than usual, but still okay. I forgot what I always forget, which is that my arms are sore at the end from grabbing onto rocks near the summit, and that my whole body swells up like a puffer fish once I'm done. I also forgot to take ibuprofen on Monday, which didn't help. But I had a good time, and I'm glad I did it one more time.

There are photos, but nothing's up yet. I'm still on vacation until Sunday, so I'm not making any projections as to when that will happen. I'll let you know. Until then, talk amongst yourselves. I trust you'll come up with your own topic.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

You Don't Have to Worry Because I'll Just Be on Vacation

I'm sure that where I'm going will have some sort of internet access available somewhere nearby, but the truth is that I won't be actively seeking it out. I'll be busy. Busy sleeping. And then when I'm done with that, I'm going to do some more sleeping.

There's also that thing about running up and down a mountain. I think I get a free t-shirt or something, so I guess I'll go ahead and participate.

But really, it's mostly about the sleeping.

I'll see you when I see you...

Sunday, August 13, 2006

I've Been to Manhattan Five Times, and I Haven't Been Hit by a Moving Vehicle Yet

I had a really close call with a bicycle yesterday, though.

Yesterday's foray into the city marked my best New York City experience yet. If I had one bit of advice to give to someone new to Manhattan, it would be: If you're not really sure you like it at first, just give it time. Time and comfortable shoes.

I'd also say: The sales staff in the pricey handbag store can spot your Target five dollar clearance bag all the way across the store, and they won't hesitate to come up to you as you gingerly pick up one of their beautiful bags. They'll slip up quietly, just behind you, and say icily, "That one's three ninety-nine. It does come with a shoulder strap." When you look at the ties, which are beyond your reach, beneath glass, they'll just pretend you no longer exist.

In these situations, I recommend high-tailing it out of there and making your way as quickly as possible to Central Park. If you're lucky, you'll catch something like this:

time to get down, ya'll

It'll make you want to buy roller skates.

hula hoop!

And then you'll want a hula hoop.


Or possibly a small sailboat.

I'll leave that decision up to you.

(Many more photos are up on my flickr page. Click on over and take a look.)

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Because Shampoo Costs More Than You Might Think

I just returned from having my hair cut and styled. Ahem, excuse me, designed, cut, and styled, and I have to say that it looks pretty cute. I like it. The girl that did it was nice and made some excellent design suggestions, and now it no longer looks like my boyfriend and I cut it with a chain saw or perhaps a lawn mower. I'm sure the stylist was wondering, what with all the times she kept saying, "It is a bit choppy back here," and, "Please don't let your boyfriend cut it again, okay?"

So she finished it up with a bit more hair spray than I'm comfortable with, but fine, she's the expert, and I'm going to wash it in about two hours anyway, even though it was already washed, by a woman who was very sweet, a woman whose services are apparently worth thirty dollars, plus a tip.

Thirty. Dollaaaaaaars. (Plus tip!) (PLUS!) (As in, more of my hard-earned money!) (!)

For a wash.

Um, is that normal around here?

If so, I may have to go breathe into a paper bag for a bit while I adjust to the news.

Then I'm going to call my boyfriend and ask him to wash my hair. I bet he'll do it for free.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Flat Abs Booklet I Got in the Mail Said That Deprivation is NOT the Key to Losing Belly Fat

So I went upstairs and ate a bunch of mint M&M's straightaway.

I would have had a piece of chocolate cake in the kitchen, but then there are the questions like, "Why do you get to have that?" and "Why do you make us eat fruit first?" The answer is simple, really. It's because I'm a grown-up and I can do whatever I want.


I've decided I hate the PS2. Maybe I'm an old granny or something, but I just think it's too loud and most of the games are a little too scary for kids. Also it makes me want to tear all my hair out in giant clumps and stick cocktail forks into my eyeballs, because those things combined would hurt far less than sitting in a basement while an eight-year-old who is too afraid to stay down there himself plays Driving Really Fast In An Ugly Car While Rap Music And Obnoxious Car Sounds Blare Out Of The Speaker System (or maybe it's called Need for Speed--whatever).


Saturday I went into the city and had my first uncomfortable train experience. It's probably not as bad as you might think; in fact, you might come to the conclusion that I am a bit neurotic, worrying the whole way home like that, over what was pretty much nothing, so I'm just going to let you wonder about it. Make up something if you want. And feel free to use run-on sentences when you do, just to make it more authentic.


It's taken four visits, but I now officially enjoy New York City. I still find the masses of people to be troublesome (seriously, some of you stay home or something) and recently discovered that Cafe Metro is disgrossting (why are there yellow chunks in the custard of my eclair?), but as a whole the city is fantastic. Come visit! We'll eat big pretzels and buy too many shoes!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Everyone But Todd Messenger is Allowed to Read This Right Now

He has to apologize for calling me "Big Mouth Mary" and tell me I'm pretty first. Also, I find that Andre's chocolate truffles are a fine incentive towards forgiveness.

(I'm just sayin'.)

As for the rest of you, particularly you Kansas City people (or people who are not Kansas City people but would like to see Kansas City and me at the same time and desire to plan their trip around my schedule), I will be in good old KCMO near the end of August. Technically I'll be there the 22nd through the 27th, but since I arrive late on the 22nd and leave quite early the 27th, let's just call it what it is and say I'll be in town the 23rd through the 26th. Also, because I'm sure that won't be enough to satisfy your need for my company, I'll be coming right back Labor Day Weekend, arriving the morning of September 2 and departing in the evening on September 4. There's plenty of me to go around, particularly if bellinis or coffee are involved, so give me a call or drop me an e-mail if you'd like to get together.

See you soon!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

It's August? What?

Today when I went outside to light the grill, I was nearly blinded by the sun reflected off its stainless steel exterior. Later, I had to retrieve a pot holder to open the lid. Stainless steel: It may be attractive, but it will hurt you.

I guess it's summer or something. The air is shimmering with the first real bit of heat wave we've gotten here this year (the locals may say differently, but I think we all know who's right) (me), and the days are as long as they ever were. I'm working twelve hours every day, occasionally fifteen on a Thursday. Some days there's not a moment to be still, others are a little lighter. But it's wearing me out nonetheless, and I'm not sleeping well anymore. I still stand by my decision to be here as the right decision; I don't doubt that at all. I think it has been good for me and will be good for me, and I think most of all that once August is over and autumn is in full swing, life here will be a whole lot sweeter.

By the way, Kansas City, I'll be seeing you soon...