Thursday, May 24, 2007

I Should Probably Be Kicked Out of the Country

I've already mentioned that I don't enjoy puppies. Perhaps I even used stronger language than that. Maybe I tossed around the word hate like it was a baseball. Which I shouldn't have done because I don't like tossing baseballs. Not even a little bit. In fact, I pretty much hate baseball.

There. I said it. Not only do I hate puppies, I also hate baseball. I know! Downright unAmerican! Probably next I'll confess that I regularly pass up apple pie and fries. But it's true. I just can't stand baseball. Not the playing part, at least. Al is trying mightily to endear me to the finer points of the game, but I have yet to recognize them. I don't like throwing. I don't like catching. I don't like hitting. And I most certainly do not like pitching. And so I have been throwing the game. I've been slacking off. I've been doing worse than my best, which isn't very good anyway, in order to escape myriad white balls with red lacing being hurtled towards me via erratic pitching arm or wayward bat. I just can't stand the danger, I guess. And I've got bruises and a fair share of whining to go with them to prove it.

I've already notified Jarod that if our future children want to play baseball, he's officially in charge of all those shenanigans. I'm the one that will be in charge of teaching them the important things, like how baseball really exists so that lazyasses like us can pay to sit in hard plastic seats and gorge ourselves on hot dogs and nachos. Now that's the side of baseball I can get behind.


Anonymous said...

"It's the physics of baseball that has always fascinated me ..."


Anonymous said...

I like watching baseball live at a stadium, when you have a hot dog and can talk to other people who aren't really into the game, either.