Friday, December 14, 2007

If There's No Purchase Necessary, How Come the Survey Invitations Are Only Offered On Receipts?

I just filled out an online Starbucks survey in an attempt to win $1000 (which followed filling out a survey to win a $5000 Target gift card--I am DOWN with the surveys tonight) (because someone's gotta win, and it may as well be me), and one of the questions asked me to evaluate the statement "My experience was uplifting." Uplifting. Seriously. What? I enjoyed my beverage, but...uplifting? Are you kidding me, Starbucks? I really hope you're kidding because I laughed at you, and if you weren't kidding, that would make me the playground bully.

...

Part of the reason that I need to win the $1000 is that I went to the eye doctor today (Diagnosis: BLINDER THAN BEFORE) and not only parted with a bit more of our money than I anticipated (the allure of the OptiScan as an alternative to dilation was just too much, TOO MUCH I SAY), but also found out that, because I am so nearsighted I moved into the negative nine range, that glasses which do not resemble Coke bottles would cost a katrillion dollars.

Hear this now, kids, straight from the mouth of my optometrist: reading really can make you more nearsighted. Of course it started with a predisposition towards nearsightedness, but he confirmed that my fifth grade teacher was partly right when she, noticing that I got so lost in books that I rarely looked up, admonished that I would ruin my eyesight. "You should look up," she'd say, "or you'll only be able to see up close." Well, Mrs. Handley, you got me there. I can't find my glasses without having other corrective lenses attached to my eyeballs, but I can see every speck of dirt all the way to the bottom of your pores if I'm standing lensless four inches from your face. I suppose this would come in handy were I an aesthetician, but currently doesn't do much unless you count causing me to be overly self-critical when I look at my own skin.

Still, I don't regret reading all those books. Even if I will have to sell a kidney to properly correct my vision.

1 comment:

cara said...

re:Starbucks. yeah, they totally mean uplifting. Shiz can back me up on this one. they totally use what i call "church speak" to refer to "the third place" experience. and they do it with a straight face. laughing at them doesn't make you a bully, Mary, it means you don't buy their bull, just their yummy deliciousness.