Sunday, February 08, 2009

Lookin' Fiiiiiiine

In half an hour I'll peel myself off the sofa, disturbing three cats in the process, in order to wash my face, put on something cute, and take some juice to a woman we call Old Lady Mary. My friend, Nicole, befriended her years ago near a dumpster, discovered she had no one to look after her, and began doing small things to help her out. In the wake of Nicole's departure of Chicago, Carrie took over and has been doing an admirable job since. I had met Old Lady Mary once with Nicole, so when Carrie was out of town and Old Lady Mary was ill, I was called upon to take her some supplies. She is suspicious of new people, but welcomed me, and then apparently spent the half hour after I left raving to Nicole on the phone about how good I looked, like a runway model. A runway model I am not, but after all that raving, I now feel compelled to look nice for a woman who keeps her urine in lidded containers until there is enough to warrant a trip to the dumpster because she is afraid to use her toilet too often. (After the Great Toilet Overflow of '99, she is terrified of having it happen again and will only allow Carrie to flush it. Today I am charged with not only taking juice, but also talking up my amazing toilet flushing capabilities so that I may someday offer a hand in that department. I have flushed toilets all around the world! My own toilet is a little strange, and not once have I had an issue flushing it! I'm practically a professional toilet flusher!)

I remember hearing David Sedaris speak on Fresh Air about his time spent in a morgue and how many people who live and die alone have their faces eaten off by their pets before anyone finds them. I am grateful that Old Lady Mary does not have any pets and that there are now three of us who know the Official Phone Call Code and can alert the necessary authorities should she not respond someday.

...

Jarod and I had hoped to use our tax refund to travel this spring, but it turns out that in 2008 they did a far better job of calculating how much to withhold from his paycheck, so we can't go far on the money we'll end up getting back. We're now shooting for autumn, as seems to be our custom, and will come up with the traveling cash the old fashioned way, by saving it. How dull.

Which, really, is how life may be for awhile anyway, since in addition to saving for travel, we're also putting cash and free time into home improvement. (Sad fact: I am terribly excited about working a new storm door into our budget.) Add to that the fact that Jarod would like a new laptop and you've now created a couple of homebodies wearing worn-out, paint-splattered cargo pants during their leisure hours, with a fridge that looks pretty empty most of the time. This is not because we are not well-fed; on the contrary, we eat quite well. We're just getting really good at not buying too much and eating up what we do have. This makes fridge cleaning much easier, which means that I now have no excuse to put it off any longer.

...

Is anybody out there good at dieting? While I've made dietary changes over the years and have spent time on various eating plans at times to try to improve other issues I've had (waking hungry in the night led me to try a blood sugar stabilizing diet, which worked but was super strict; adult acne led me to give up sugar for months so the inflammation would subside enough that I could use topical treatments), I have never been able to get behind an actual diet. I'd love to be about five pounds lighter, but honestly? If the 30 Day Shred and a return to bicycling in the warm weather won't do it, I'm afraid it just won't happen. I like food, and I want to enjoy eating as opposed to it being a highly regulated chore. We buy into the ideals of the slow food movement, and our consumption of highly processed foods is close to nil, but I still cook with butter. Sometimes a lot of butter, not to mention cream and maybe some goat cheese.

Obviously, if I were a vegan, I would look like Jessica Alba.

Oh, well.

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