Monday, May 18, 2009

FINAL WARNING

Generally when little things go wrong or someone mistakenly thinks I have done something wrong of which I am innocent, I can let it go. But for some reason, the parking company that manages both the Country Club Plaza garages and the Power & Light District parking gets my goat every time. I think it's the combination of incompetence and...oh, wait, it's just the incompetence. It irritates me no end. It makes me want to punch the parking company in the face. I'd like to beat up the parking company. Except I suspect that, like in every single dream I have in which I am required to fight, my fists would become like delicate little flowers, and my arms would turn to something more appropriate to Gumby than to someone who does the second and third levels and the 30 Day Shred twenty minutes apart from one another. "Oh, yeah, parking people? You wanna take this outside? Okay, you...uh...go out there..."

The problem is that the parking control folks not only fail to recognize that two people can share the same vehicle, but also cannot make a record of the message I've left three times before. "This is the car I share with my husband. He works on the Plaza, but generally rides the bus or his bike to work. If the car is parked in a space that is not appropriate for a Plaza employee, it is because I am driving it. I am not a Plaza employee. Please check your security cameras. Do you see a woman getting out of the car? That's me, not my husband. He's not a woman. Please call me at blah-di-blah-woof-di-woof if you need further information. Otherwise I will assume that no further action is needed. Again, my name is Mary and my number is blah-di-blah-woof-di-woof." The last time I was tempted to add "ASSHOLES" to the end of the speech, but I didn't. This is because I recognize that we are all human, and we can make mistakes! Okay, and also because I don't want them to target me for any parking-related mischief.

Clearly, this didn't work, because today I found a FINAL WARNING on my windshield, advising me to contact their office to discuss parking options. Or else! Ticket! Removal of vehicle! WARNINGWARNINGWARNING!!!

Dumbasses.

I mean, how hard is it to make a note where you've recorded our license plate number? I've used Excel. It's not that hard! Tomorrow I will march into their office and show them. Or I'll just say, "I'm the woman who left you a very long message yesterday and did not once call you dumbasses. Because I'm a giver! Now figure out how to identify who is parking the vehicle in the customer space instead of just assuming it's an employee. This is your FINAL WARNING." I don't know if I should bring a bullhorn for that last bit or just use my own voice talents. What do you think?

...

It probably doesn't help that I discovered ants in my cereal box this morning. Every weekday morning I eat yogurt with Kashi granola in it, and for some reason I thought the ants either wouldn't find the granola or wouldn't bother it. Um, yeah, wrong. Two ants were climbing around the outside of the box, cluing me in to what was inside, which was more of their brethren climbing around inside the bag, on the cereal itself.

So I ate just yogurt for breakfast.

Well, okay, no, I didn't. I consoled myself by also eating some of the chocolate toffee peanuts that jumped into my bag on Saturday. It kind of helped, but I left for work still pretty pissed off at the ants. If only they knew that I'm not a morning person and could ruin foods I'd find later in the day. I'd still be mad, but maybe I wouldn't fantasize about dumping all the cereal into the sink and pouring boiling water on top of the ants, simultaneously cursing their mothers and the day they were born.

...

Also, just now I burned some hamburgers. I'm pretending they're Cajun style, blackened.

I should quit while I'm ahead.

3 comments:

Lithuanian librarian (retired) said...

Try picking up some plastic/tupperware cereal keepers at wally world or a garage sale--ant proof--we have used ours for years! In fact I use a one gallon glass jar for my sugar, and a huge tupperware container for my flour, to keep ants/mice from hosting pantry parties. Good luck!

k-stin said...

This was a funny post. I especially liked the part about cursing the ants mothers...hehe.
Sorry about the incompetent parking people. That's really annoying--so go tell 'em what's up tomorrow!

Shiz said...

Ok, I hate the Plaza parking company, too, because they failed to recognize that a Plaza employee might actually SHOP THERE on her day off. You need a BIG SIGN in your car window that says I DON'T WORK ON THE PLAZA.