Monday, June 08, 2009

Whosawhatsit HUH?

We seem to be encountering some confusion when it comes to our intention to adopt, and it's occurred to me that we (okay, mostly me) are to blame. A lot of people seem baffled by our confession that we don't intend to pursue pregnancy. After all, weren't we the people who got pregnant, miscarried, and then were all, "Wait, we can do that? Yay! Let's!" Yes, we were. But that was so three months ago! And now it's time to catch up.

The short story is that through the process of miscarriage and the subsequent realization that we could actually create a baby using our own bodies, like, for real, man, we discovered that, well, we didn't actually want to. It's not that we are completely opposed to the idea; if, despite prophylactic measures, we were to find that I'd gotten knocked up, we certainly wouldn't be down in the mouth about it. However, it turns out that neither of us is particularly attached to the idea of pregnancy or of passing on our own precious DNA, whereas we are really into adoption.

I suppose I have known this for a long time. While we were researching adoption last December, I e-mailed a friend that I really felt excited about adoption, that I actually didn't want to become pregnant at all, and wouldn't it be funny if I had gotten pregnant that one time we weren't careful? Ha ha ha, send me some more adoption information! Let me fill out another request for a packet from another agency! And then, well, it turned out that we probably did get pregnant that time I joked about. This is where the whole thing broke down. Suddenly, we could get pregnant, and we knew it. We'd discussed having one biological child before adopting, so it seemed like maybe it would be a good thing to try. I talked to a lot of other women who had miscarried and then became pregnant. I asked for advice and made plans and figured out when would be a good time to vacation should we happen to get knocked up right away.

And then I held a friend's newborn. After that, it was all over for me.

I have held a lot of newborns in my life as a nanny. I'll likely hold a lot more. Many times I thought, "Oh, how sweet, I would like one of these squishy infants." But something was different this time. I realized that the brand new babyness was not something I'd miss if it didn't come to our house. I thought about pregnancy, and grasped that it was not something that I particularly felt drawn to experience. It was not long after that that I asked Jarod, while sitting on the Latte Land patio, if he was particularly into passing on our DNA, or if maybe adoption would be our best option regardless of whether we could get pregnant or not. And what do you know, he wasn't bent on birthing a child with our genes either.

So here we are, preparing to apply to an adoption agency, hopefully on the road to building our family through adoption. The short version of the answer to the question "Why?" is simply that we believe that every child deserves a family, and we would like to make a family. We think that makes for a pretty good fit. We'll be the parents; now all we need is to find our kids.


ericagwen said...

Yay! Beautifully put, Mary. I wish you all the best on your journey to "finding" your kids : )

cara said...

First off - love the title of this post! I say that so often that I feel oddly comforted to know that I am not alone.

Second, um, off - while I can't say that I relate to what you're saying, that is the beauty of us here human beings - we're all different and like to do things in different ways. No one way is better than the other. They're just different. And that is so cool to me.

I so look forward to hearing your good news and following your parenting adventures. Being parents rocks, mostly in an awesome way, but often in a frightening responsibility way, and I know that you guys are gonna kill it. Um, in a totally good way.

Anonymous said...

I'm saving for the deluxe stroller! I will have a hard time NOT picking up girly things. :-)
Love you,