Friday, December 11, 2009

Best Laid Plans

I pull off the outer cardboard wrapper and then the shrink wrap and bend open my 2010 planner. It's like the Moleskine, but pink and recycled. The pages look a little different, but not much. It's...stiffer. But I chose recycled, and I chose a wee bit cheaper, and now 2010 will be pink, with stiff pages. It will get broken in soon enough. I open to a random week in July, choose Wednesday as the day, and write it down, in ink, with a period at the end to make it count: BEGIN XMAS CRAFTS.

I love all the things I am making this year. They are good choices, every one. But they fall on top of each other, and they expand into my entire house, and I've now got a mobile burning spot on the muscles that run from right shoulder blade, to neck, to head. The only time it doesn't hurt is when I am in bed. I know it will go away if I sleep well and for long enough, but I don't have the time. I don't have the time because I began my Christmas crafts in December.

I think to myself how funny it would be if I have this date mapped out in ink, like it's official, and that's the day we go meet our daughter, and everything changes. Will I still do the Christmas crafts early if I've got a pair of chocolate brown eyes to stare into, and handmade toys to make? Will I still work my heart out on things that are not for her when she is sleeping?


Maybe not.

We shall see.


Liz said...

A word of advice - you will make yourself crazy with a capital CRAZE by thinking stuff like this...I had a complete meltdown earlier this fall when I remembered that at the beginning of the year I had assumed I wouldn't be doing what I was doing because I would already be out on maternity leave - and I hadn't even gotten a referral yet!

You're probably going to keep doing it anyway. But don't say I didn't warn you...

marymuses said...

Oh, I think it's highly unlikely that we'll have a referral before Christmas next year, but it would be just like my life to throw me a curve ball on the one day of the year I've planned something else.

When it comes to waiting, I figure it's good either way. More time before a referral gives us more time to save money and prepare, less time means we have someone other than the cat to put baby clothes on. The cat, naturally, votes for the sooner rather than later option, as she's getting tired of wearing clothes so that I can amuse myself.