Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Warning to my Mother, This is Laced with Expletives

I've been thinking a lot about faith and dreams and hope and all that comes with it, partly as a result of taking the Mondo Beyondo course, but partly as a result of life, which is why I think now is the perfect time to be taking the course. It's like all the stars aligned to put me in this right place at this right time, and the only problem is that I don't really know where I am. What I do know is that when things seem to be going really, really well, something shit-tastic often happens. I speak from my own experience and the experience of others. Perhaps you know what I mean? Everything is going well, you've just made it through some hard times, things are looking up, you think that finally, finally!, you can let go of the breath you've been half holding, and you do, and it is then that things take a turn for the seriously fucked.

I'm not sure why this happens, only that it does, and that after it happens, sometimes things look better almost immediately, and sometimes they don't. What I do know is that eventually everything gets sorted out, and more often than not, there is something incredibly good and perfect and right in store. I find myself hesitating to say that because what if I'm wrong? What if saying that out loud jinxes everything and we are destined for lives of not-so-quiet desperation and tragedy and loss? What if this all remains in the realm of seriously fucked forever and ever and it doesn't get better until we are old and infirm and finally die?

I won't spill my own secrets or the secrets of others, but things have certainly taken a turn for the shit-tastic for a lot of us lately, so my guess is that something good is about to get born. We just have to hang in there an wait for it.

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