Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Adjust

I have decided to accept that by the end of the week I may be a bloated, dull-eyed version of my former vibrant self. It seems I've bitten off more than I can comfortably chew. And I hate that overly full feeling. Of course I'll get everything done; I'll show up for every job and clean my house to host a potluck and keep showing up for jobs and somehow I'll make it. And I'll try to make it with fewer stops into Starbucks than I've been allowing myself. That's what I do when I get too busy and totally stressed, and I need to stop it. I think what drives me to the door of my local 'bucks is that not only is there the offer of caffeinated deliciousness, but everyone is always so kind to me. It's like Cheers! They know my name! And my drink! And that I always take a receipt!

Frankly, it feels awesome to walk through that door. It smells nice in there, too.

But on Friday we saw the face of an unexpected someone on a waiting child list, and though we're not first in line to view her information, if the other family declines to adopt her, we could be viewing her info next week*. Or there could be another someone just around the corner, and that could be it. And while we wouldn't be completely screwed financially, it would be a challenge, and we'd need help, and I really don't feel like I can ask others for financial help when I've been helping myself to really expensive coffees most days of the week. So I'm putting my money where my need is, and I'll be bulking up our adoption account as much as possible for that little someone someday, whether it's a week from now or a year from now. I want to do right not only by our daughter, but by the wealth we've been given and by the friends that have helped us along the way.

I'm sure the baristas will adjust to seeing me less frequently, right? And won't cry themselves to sleep each night because they miss me?

*I'm treating this situation as if this is not the baby that's meant to be ours. Of course I still hope that it's a possibility, but I need to allow myself to be open to whatever ends up happening. So feel free to cross your fingers for us, but also remember that this baby could be meant for another family, one that has been waiting longer than we have.

2 comments:

Liz said...

You know, Starbucks is a company that offers adoption benefits to its employees...there was someone with my agency who worked a part-time job at a local Starbucks while she and her husband waited for a referral, for the extra cash and the adoption benefit...I bet there are also some awesome coffee perks to working there - could be a way to kill two birds with one stone!

Good luck getting through your week!

marymuses said...

Liz, do you read my mind? I have totally thought about working at Starbucks--but for the coffee benefit alone! I didn't know they had adoption benefits! Unfortunately, I don't think my current nanny schedule (three families! various days! ACK!) will allow it. But maybe if things change, I'll be able to don the green apron. That would be fun AND delicious!