Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I'm Having a Hard Time Remembering What Day It Is

This week my Thursday family switched to Wednesdays, plus I've been working a whole lot of jobs on a whole lot of days, often more than one job in one day, and wow. I have just lost track of my entire head. Maybe there's a small bit left just above the neck, but it's hard to tell. I know that I skipped Make it Work Monday (you poor things, missing out on my stain removal advice) and haven't posted the photo of my Tuesday outfit for Old Lady Mary, but on those days I had other things to do (like eat cake and pretend my pants would still fit as usual), and today I want to talk about something else. You probably aren't missing those other features anyway (if we can even call them features, and I think the only reason we can is that this is my blog, and I can call anything whatever I want to), so let's just talk briefly about what I wrote about in that last post.

We still don't know if the baby is Our Baby or Not Our Baby. But something about typing it out made it better, and now I am just waiting to hear that the other family has decided to adopt her. I'm fairly certain this is how it will go. I have let go of my sense of entitlement to any information about any child, and now I am focusing on this life right here, right now. There's a summer to plan, and I need to get on top of that. There are projects I need to do in the nursery (and in the house in general) that must be done regardless of when our baby shows up. So I'm getting down to business.

Seeing the face of the baby made me realize that we needed to get some things back on track financially, so I did that. Then for a week I ceased spending money on some things I actually needed and had budgeted for because I was being superstitious. Yes, that's right, I figured that if God and the entire universe would just see that I was not spending any money, my reward would be a glimpse at the information I so coveted. Well, that was stupid. And stifling. And...not what I needed to do. So today I let it go and found a work bag (which I bought because it reminded me of an elephant's ear--all soft grey on the outside and pink on the inside), swim bottoms (it really doesn't work out if you only have the top), a travel hat (not just for Ethiopia, but for travel in general), and some earrings that will go with everything. I also bought chocolate, but that was not on my list; it was just on sale.

And I feel better. Life is rolling along again, and that feels good. I don't feel like I'm holding my breath and just waitingwaitingwaitingwaiting. When the call comes, it will come. When the e-mail hits my inbox indicating yes or no for one baby in particular, I will read it, and I will yelp in excitement or accept what is meant to be. In the meantime, I plan to enjoy myself.

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