Tuesday, June 29, 2010

This Tuesday with Old Lady Mary

I am getting a little thick around the middle. I wish I could say that I don't care, but I do care. I miss working out most days of the week, and I miss how I feel both about my body (strong! capable!) and in general (more energy! endorphin goodness!) when I am able to work out more. So I say a big PFFFFT!!! to my schedule as of late and look forward to the day when I will not have two boxes containing an IKEA dresser in part of my workout space. (THURSDAY, so help me. I am painting the nursery THURSDAY and those boxes are getting moved in there on THURSDAY and all will be right in the dining room. THURSDAY. NO LATER.) (I am all-capping it for my own benefit so I won't get off schedule.) I also see my schedule opening up soon, just in time for me to head out of town. To a place where they feed me lots of good food. But where there is also a StairMaster in the basement. (I love the StairMaster. Really. Stop looking at me like that.)

In the meantime, I will try to do better at concealing my thicker middle.

tuesday, june 29, 2010

You know, like by buying Spanx. Heaven forbid I set down this bag of chocolate chips.

(Click on the pic for Old Lady Mary's reaction to the outfit.)

Monday, June 28, 2010

I Am That Woman

Life has been moving at breakneck speed ever since we saw the face of our daughter. If it had just been the news of her, that would have been one thing, but I think life likes to throw a lot of things at me at one time and go, "What are you going to do now?" The answer is that I'm going to stay up until nearly 2am four nights in a row and then need a really long nap. I haven't gotten the really long nap yet, but I did get a medium long nap, and that will have to do.

I remember when I was on Christian mission trips in high school, we had separate classes for guys and girls that covered issues specific to each gender. Every single trip I went on, the lesson book was the same, so there was always the night we would discuss The Proverbs 31 Woman, and how she is the Best Woman Ever. There was a clever updated version that talked about how the Proverbs 31 Woman clipped coupons and did laundry in her washing machine and, I don't know, made Jell-O molds or something. I always sort of resented the Proverbs 31 Woman until I realized that a great many women become her without noticing. It's not about all those specifics or cutesy analogies. It's just about doing what you have to do to take care of your family and community. So that's what I've been doing. And that feels good.

I've also been pretending that The Proverbs 31 Woman would leave her dishes in the sink, "soaking," for five days straight. Please do not feel free to tell me otherwise.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

This Tuesday with Old Lady Mary

First, I must tell you something important: the cats have broken our contract. You know, the one that states that they may only vomit on Jarod's side of the bed? BROKEN. LIKE THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. Gross. So this will be short because guess who gets to go change the sheets and scrub a cat vomit spot off the feather bed*? NOT JAROD, THAT'S WHO. And not any of those cats who refuse to do their chores, either.



I wore an outfit. Mary didn't even notice. I am, understandably, just heartbroken. Click on the photo to read my entire sob story.

tuesday, june 22, 2010

Next week I'm wearing sweats.

*This is decidedly better than cleaning up the vomited up lunch of a 2 1/2 year old who stuffed her mouth too full and spewed her entire lunch right back onto her plate. And shirt. And skirt. And chair she was sitting in. And floor. Which is to say that this happened to me recently, and I lived, so I can't complain much about dried out cat puke. I have a feeling that there's a lot of kid puke in my future anyway, so it's best to be fully broken in before little lady gets here.

Sunday, June 20, 2010


Once we saw our daughter's face, I knew that we would have to change a lot of things thanks to her being three instead of, you know, an infant. Her room will be a bit different (we're making her a bed!) (and by "we," I mean Jarod and his dad are making her a bed!), and some of the clothes I bought in advance won't fit (though not many since she is a tiny bit of a girl), and a LOT of the things on our Amazon baby registry are different. Out with the bottles, diapers, and accompanying accessories, in with the...well...toys. I know. I feel a little grabby putting so many toys on the registry, but the truth is that where most kids would have three years worth of birthdays and Christmases and other assorted holidays to amass age appropriate toys, she's had no time to do that. So we're starting from scratch. Well, unless you count all my stuffed animals and Jarod's legos that we have in the basement, which...we kind of do. By which I mean that once I'd gone through my bin of childhood toys, I went back to the registry and took the corduroy aardvark and Deglingos stuffed pig off the list.

I've tried to choose things that are developmentally appropriate and that will help us bond as a family. I've also put serious thought into what will help her catch up in some areas where it is likely she'll need a little extra help. There are no toys that require batteries, nothing that will do the playing and imagining for her with the press of a button. Also, because we are hippies, the plastic is limited to bath toys and an inflatable Rody horse, which, in addition to being incredibly cute, will also promote gross motor development. (Do you like how I justified our plastic item there? I'm pretty good at that.) I feel like I've done a good job, but at the same time, filling a list with toys and books just seems greedy.

I'm really hoping that, especially in the case of the play kitchen, someone will disagree with me and think it's perfectly fine. If, however, no one sees why a three-year-old might benefit from playing with various wooden foods that velcro together and can be cut apart with a fake knife, that's all right. After all, we really do need the sheets and shampoo.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

This Tuesday with Old Lady Mary: Yes, It's Saturday Edition

I did see OLM on Tuesday. I did have my husband take a photo before I left. And then I did spend my morning trying to play it cool while I waited for a very important call. And then once I got that very important call, I was so busy spreading the news and getting all things little girl in order that I simply didn't manage to update here. I do hope you will forgive me. After all, I had good reason. And besides, isn't this cute dress worth waiting for? OLM certainly thinks so, and she'll point and speak very loudly to you if you disagree.

tuesday, june 15, 2010

And look at those shoes! They aren't so great for long walks, but oh, are they cute or what?

Still, nothing is so cute as the face I saw a week ago, that I look at every day now on my computer desktop or straight out of the envelope in my purse. We have a daughter. I couldn't be happier.

Friday, June 11, 2010

This Tuesday with Old Lady Mary Plus Some Other Stuff

I'd say something along the lines of, "I don't know where this week went," except that I know exactly where it went aside from a couple hours on Wednesday when I am fairly certain I was sitting in front of the computer in a daze. It went to work and a lot of cooking and making wedding mints (Round One of Two or Possibly More Than Two) and running errands and book club and getting caught in a downpour when I forgot where I'd parked my car at Target. I am now pleased to announce that I have all of this evening free, and I'm not sure why I've not showered and changed into pajamas by now. It may have something to do with the fact that I told my husband I'd make dinner.

I have not made dinner yet.

Though I have no doubt I could accomplish it while wearing pajamas.

Anyway, what? Oh, yes, I haven't yet forced upon you a photo of myself wearing an outfit that an elderly woman could barely see. Here you go:

tuesday, june 8, 2010

These past couple of Tuesdays I've either been leaving at the same time as Jarod or dropping him off at work on my way to Old Lady Mary's, so he's taken the photo for me. This works out much better than my usual method of iPhone self-portrait in the full length mirror, particularly since the mirror has a somewhat funhouse quality now that it's been knocked from its perch more than once by a toddler who knows better and waits for me to be draining the pasta to get into things that she is not allowed. The altered mirror now resides in a closet while toddlers are present, and I now look a little clownish in it. But it still works to tell if my shoes look okay with my outfit, so I'll put off getting something new.

Speaking of something new, we will not be adopting a new baby anytime soon. The other family who was reviewing her information did indeed decide to adopt her, so we will continue to wait. Unless Jarod buys into my brand of crazy and we end up considering an older child. My brand of crazy is what landed us a third cat, so I'm fairly certain that this crazy will not be bought or sold or accepted for free. Which is all right since we've launched into summer, and there are plenty of trips coming up without adding a couple to Ethiopia into the mix.

So here we are. Summer. Busy as ever. I've lost my train of thought already. That's okay; I might have lost you already, too.

Happy Weekending, Internet.

Saturday, June 05, 2010

I'm Not Dead Yet!

Good news! I'm halfway through my weekend job, and everyone is still alive and mostly well-fed. We did have an issue with the color of bowl the oatmeal was served in to the two-year-old this morning, but hey! You don't have to eat it! Know why? Because I said so. And also because later we'll leave waaaay too early to go to the movies, and I'll buy you and your sister a giant cinnamon roll as a time waster.

I did that. Yes, I certainly did. Do not judge, oh you who did not rise at 6:15am and have to change someone out of underwear they pooped in shortly thereafter. I wanted a coffee, and I wanted to waste time, and I thought, "Oh, I GIANT CINNAMON ROLL! Served with FORKS! This should take at least ten minutes!" And that's exactly how long it took.

These kids are good and sweet, but they are nearly three and eighteen months old, and they are busy. And heavy. I do not recommend having children so close together unless you'd like better toned arms from picking up two at once and be constantly caring for someone. Physically. Here's how it goes: Child One bites his tongue, and while you are consoling him, but well before he has calmed down, Child Two will seize the opportunity to tumble off a piece of furniture that you just told her she wasn't allowed to stand on. Children this age aren't trying to kill you because they don't have to try. It all just comes so naturally.

How then, you are asking, am I able to write this blog post? Simple. Child Two is down for a nap, and I've suckered the eight-year-old neighbor kid into playing with Child One. This kind of genius only comes with experience. Feel free to call me for tips.

Later we will go swimming, guaranteeing an early bedtime. It will take a lot of effort to get everyone into swimsuits and sunscreen, but at 7:30pm, it will all be worth it.

Especially if I can pretend that swimming substitutes for taking a bath.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

One, Two, Three, Go

Tomorrow at 9am I'll begin a weekend job with two children under the age of three. I'll be done Sunday evening. That is a lot of time on my own with very small children who are intent on flinging themselves off of play structures. I'm not sure if I'll have a vehicle to drive them places in or not. If I do, it's the zoo, baby. If not, please come over. All of you. I've got the pool pass.


We are participating in an Orthodox Christian fast until some day in July, and I say "some day in July" because I am pretty sure I'll be breaking the fast over doughnuts and frozen hot chocolate in NYC before it's really over*. In the meantime, though, what this mostly means is that we are vegans who don't drink wine. I miss butter. Also milk on my cereal. And I'd like to blame this neck ache on the fast, too, if that's all right.


I seem to have overbooked myself for the entire month of June. I am now seeking a mint-making intern. You will be paid in cream cheese mints, which you will eat on the sly when I am not looking. Please apply by calling, e-mailing, texting, or just showing up at my house.

*New Yorkers: I'll be making my annual trip to Connecticut and NYC July 6 - 13. Not sure which days I'll be in the city, but if you'd like to meet up, please give me a shout.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Judgy McJudgerson

I am in a pissy mood for no good reason, just lots of small, bad ones. For instance, my mortgage company has failed to retain the information of the bank I use to pay them online. Really? I have to re-enter that every time? Also, it frequently gives me a message that it "detected an additonal click of the Pay Now button," which means that it doesn't process the payment at all, nor does it actually say that on the screen. So I have to not only use my psychic powers to know that if it detects a double click, it doesn't accept payment at all, but I also have to re-enter the bank information.

But there are some things that are a bit bigger that I feel compelled to use my powers of judging for. I may as just spit them out and move on. Correct me if I am judging in error.

1. A friend's husband recently left her out of the blue after six years of marriage. She has struggled with depression for years now, so I'm sure that you can imagine that it's quite hard for her. She has requested that her lawyer take over all communication with the soon-to-be-ex-husband, and in the interim, I fielded an e-mail or two so that she wouldn't have to deal with him. He made this big deal about how he's soooo sorry that I have to do this, and how friends shouldn't have to take things like this on and blah blah blah stupidcakes, and you know what? A) When a friend is in need, this is what friends do, and B) I wouldn't have to do this if you hadn't left your wife, moron.

2. We are still waiting to find out if the other family will adopt the baby we requested information about. It's been a little over two weeks since they received the info, and I am confused as to why it is taking this long. I do not blame the agency or the parents, but at the same time, what's the hold up? If you are that unsure as to whether or not you can handle the potential need, why not just allow another family (*ahem*US RIGHT HERE, WE LOVE BABIES*ahem*) to step in? I'm just sayin'. Rainy season court closure is coming right up, and baby girl needs a court date to go home. Why make her wait longer because of your uncertainty. Just give us the baby, people. It'll all be just fine.


I feel better.


Tuesday, June 01, 2010

This Tuesday with Old Lady Mary

I've decided I'm not a fan of my current Tuesday schedule. It makes me look a little lackluster lately.


tuesday, june 1, 2010

I mean, it's fine and all, but it did not inspire any fashion model type compliments from Old Lady Mary. I may as well have just worn a paper sack.

The problem with Tuesday is that I feel like I am quite busy, yet not busy enough to skip cooking dinner and have a valid excuse. So then I "cook" dinner, and we end up eating this:

guacamole on toast:  it's what's for dinner

It's guacamole on toast. If we'd eaten it on chips, I would have felt a little guilty, but since it's on whole wheat, I feel like I've served a meal. That makes sense, right?

Your line, as usual, is, "Right!"

Onward to Wednesday...