Saturday, June 05, 2010

I'm Not Dead Yet!

Good news! I'm halfway through my weekend job, and everyone is still alive and mostly well-fed. We did have an issue with the color of bowl the oatmeal was served in to the two-year-old this morning, but hey! You don't have to eat it! Know why? Because I said so. And also because later we'll leave waaaay too early to go to the movies, and I'll buy you and your sister a giant cinnamon roll as a time waster.

I did that. Yes, I certainly did. Do not judge, oh you who did not rise at 6:15am and have to change someone out of underwear they pooped in shortly thereafter. I wanted a coffee, and I wanted to waste time, and I thought, "Oh, I GIANT CINNAMON ROLL! Served with FORKS! This should take at least ten minutes!" And that's exactly how long it took.

These kids are good and sweet, but they are nearly three and eighteen months old, and they are busy. And heavy. I do not recommend having children so close together unless you'd like better toned arms from picking up two at once and be constantly caring for someone. Physically. Here's how it goes: Child One bites his tongue, and while you are consoling him, but well before he has calmed down, Child Two will seize the opportunity to tumble off a piece of furniture that you just told her she wasn't allowed to stand on. Children this age aren't trying to kill you because they don't have to try. It all just comes so naturally.

How then, you are asking, am I able to write this blog post? Simple. Child Two is down for a nap, and I've suckered the eight-year-old neighbor kid into playing with Child One. This kind of genius only comes with experience. Feel free to call me for tips.

Later we will go swimming, guaranteeing an early bedtime. It will take a lot of effort to get everyone into swimsuits and sunscreen, but at 7:30pm, it will all be worth it.

Especially if I can pretend that swimming substitutes for taking a bath.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

oh my word I love you. I was laughing so much through this.
awesome. I need to laugh more. Maybe I can get a perscription for your blog, and then when I'm online reading it and people think I need to be elsewhere, I can be all, "Doctor SAYS!" in my best 7 yr old impression.
Good plan?
I knew you'd like it.