Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Goals

I always wish that results of better eating and new commitment to working out would be immediate, or at least a bit speedier; it would help me to stick to my goals better. Not that eating better and working out are New Year's resolutions--it's more like, hey, I've just come off a month of eating things I don't normally touch, and feeding my family things that others (bakery employees, for instance) have made, and now I'm feeling a little bit heavy, a touch out of sorts. I actually craved whole wheat toast one morning when we were in the thick of finishing off a package of croissants, and if you know me, you'll understand that this is highly irregular, especially when there's Nutella also on the table. But it is what it is, and I am craving homemade, wholesome, simpler fare. A touch less butter, perhaps. A lot less cake. It's not just that my pants are tight, it's that I don't feel as well as I normally do.

There's also the component of adoption weight gain to deal with. A lot of people have made jokes with me about regaining my figure so quickly, but A) Many adoptive mothers gain weight, too, so it's not that much of a joke; and B) I've done nothing of the sort, thanks to the holidays following a month of delicious meal deliveries. In Ethiopia, I lost all I'd gained during the wait between seeing Zinashi's face and getting on the plane to go to her, but the bumpy adjustment to life in the States brought it all back home to me. I'm not so much a stress eater as I tend to let a lot of things go when I am stressed out. I have less energy to do things like cook a meal every evening or get in at least three workouts per week. So here I am, a little rounder around the middle than usual, and while it's not the end of the world, I can physically feel the extra bulk as I'm walking around (and not just because my pants are more snug), and I don't like the feeling. So. Goals. Here they are.

1. I'd like to stop eating things just because I think I should, and return to paying attention to what I really am hungry for and how much.

2. I'd like to exercise when I feel up to it.

I realize that these are very loose goals, and that's the point. I don't want to go on a diet or exercise for the sake of exercising. I want to eat what my body indicates it needs and make vigorous movement part of my life because I know it makes me feel good. I know that some people really need a regimen to stick to, but at this point I want what I do to be less forced and more natural. I want to flip that switch that takes me back to more mindful care of my body. More water, because I'm thirsty. More vegetables because they taste good. More exercise because I feel so great when I'm done. In the process, I know that extra bulk will fall off, and I will feel more myself again. Not in the best shape of my life, or with a bikini-ready body by summer, or anything else beauty magazines espouse. Just myself, with my outer layer the shape it is when I am healthy. An example to my daughter of what good health looks like. Not an obsession with being thin or eating the exact right things every single day or exercising myself into the ground, but just healthy. Not perfect, but then again...perfect.

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