Tuesday, February 08, 2011

A Few Random Things

First up: no buying new clothes or shoes for 2011. Are you wondering if I made it through even the first month? Um, kind of. I'm going to have to make some exceptions along the way, I think. I am determined that none be fashion-related, but have accepted that there will be some necessities I simply need to purchase. As you may know, we've had a very snowy winter, and our driveway is very steep. Shoveling it wouldn't really help, so we just put on snow boots to go up and down the drive. This would be just fine if the lining of one of my snow boots hadn't disintegrated and collapsed down into the boot, making them neither warm nor waterproof, and uncomfortable to boot. (To boot! See what I did there? With the boots and the "to boot"?) So in the interest of getting myself and a small person up and down the drive safely and without exhausting my supply of knee socks by getting one sock wet every time I went up or down the drive, I went to Target and got some new snow boots on clearance for $9.98. They're ugly, but they work. So there's that. Also, I think I will have to buy another sports bra. Just what you want to hear about, right? I could do an extra load of laundry each week, but sorting out workout clothes from all the rest would take a lot of time and effort that is much better spent in other ways. So to Target I will go to get the cheapest sports bra available.

Which leads me to my next point, which is about my workout. And how much I like it. Well, not like it necessarily--I mean, there are still days I'd much rather take a nap or fritter away my time on a hobby--but it's really doable. I can do it six days a week without feeling completely overwhelmed or exhausted, and thus there is a need for one more sports bra since I only own five. I just...do it. I put on the workout clothes and start the DVD, and finish the DVD, and that's that. Well, except that three days a week I do both DVDs, like a crazy person. I find I can get completely through one DVD and partway through the second one during Zinashi's nap, leaving a bit to finish up while she is awake, but not so much that she gets antsy and angsty because my focus is clearly elsewhere. I usually do the dance one second, as she thinks that is funniest, and also because she doesn't try to lie down on me during the abs section or get upset because I am using the whole mat, and she obviously also needs to use the mat! She is working out! Move over!

And now, finally, the thing I mull over every single day, which is the question of why I am intent on working out so many days a week. The answer is that I am brainwashed by my culture. No, really. I was looking at some old photos I took in Photo Booth, and I found some that I had taken to see how an outfit looked in a photo as opposed to in a mirror (please tell me that someone else does this, too), and I noticed how slim I looked. I remember clearly being dissatisfied with my shape at that time, and really? What? I looked awesome. Dear self of two years ago, you need to cool it with the negative self image. You look fabulous. Love, the you of now who is a bit fluffier.

But it's no wonder that I thought I didn't look good, or good enough, or wasn't perfect enough. Everywhere there are messages telling us that we should want to be thinner and more "fit" and that we should want to trick nature and be the same (thin) size all year round and...UGH. The other day I ran across and article that was talking about how, biologically speaking, our bodies are designed to gain more weight in the colder months. The article went on to espouse how we could circumvent our bodies' natural inclinations in order to remain svelte all year long. That struck me as completely ridiculous. If my body is inclined to have a bit more insulation in the winter, why shouldn't I let it? The only answer to that is so that I can have a body that looks a certain way year round. Not a body that functions well and is healthy, but a body that has a certain appearance. I just can't buy into that. I can buy into eating well so that our bodies are healthy and strong, and I can buy into working out to balance out an unnaturally sedentary lifestyle, but I can't get behind a philosophy that says we must do these things in order to look a certain way. And what I am hoping is that I can somehow break myself of the habit of looking at my body as something of an ornament as opposed to the beautiful, functional thing that it is.

1 comment:

white girl said...

I loved what you did there with the boot. ;) I think buying things out of necessity isn't part of the "not buying anything in 2011" thing. Because, like you said, it's not that you want it for fashion. You only spent $10. And the boots are clearly functional - I noted the "ugly" comment. So they have to be functional.

Good on you for keeping up with the workouts! And even better for working out your perspective to a new, fresher one that loves and accepts your body.