This is a photo of me on my honeymoon. Nice, France, 2007. Catching a bit of WiFi in one of our favorite spots. And wearing some very nice pants I'd gotten on sale. There are a lot of reasons to like these pants, but mostly they just look good, iron easily, and hide stains with aplomb. I like these pants, and I'd like to wear them again on a regular basis. However, right now, while I can get them zipped and fastened, they're a little bit snug. I know that it's not a big deal, but at the same time, I know that my habits could be healthier, could be just plain better all around, and they would fit just fine.
As I've been reckoning with my own issues of being unsatisfied with my body, I've also been giving a lot of thought to what about my current life is not healthy or right in a larger sense. I do know from experience that if I am living in a healthy (or at least more healthy--I'll admit to liking sweets a bit too much) way that respects my body and also others, I can be happy with my size and shape. Even better, I can simply not think about it so much, which displaces time and energy better spent on greater things. So I've been mulling over the idea of too much, of how having more than we need can be disrespectful to those who struggle and still can't get their needs met. This applies to stuff we own, to our time, and yes, to our food. To spend more on food simply so I can have a snack whenever I feel like it (whether or not I am actually hungry) is to take something from someone who truly needs it. I could give more if I spent less, whether that be on clothes or on trinkets or on food that I really don't need. And so the tightness of my pants begins to reflect something more than just my own vanity issues. It gets right to the heart of what I believe and how I practice it.
So I have decided to get a little bit hungry sometimes. I will have breakfast, and I will have a light lunch, and I will have dinner, but I will not eat just because I can, or just because something is right in front of me. I'm giving up snacks, and if I get hungry in between meals, I will remember that this is the constant feeling of life for some people, and the fact that I know that something more is coming, is guaranteed to me, three times a day, is a great privilege.